tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-613456360499463030.post872426096178013594..comments2023-09-23T01:23:47.112-07:00Comments on Don't count your chickens: Support Group ?Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06921112333988542529noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-613456360499463030.post-53413908903829574912010-05-22T05:39:09.766-07:002010-05-22T05:39:09.766-07:00Ah yes, I know whereof you speak. The endless gri...Ah yes, I know whereof you speak. The endless grind of RPL takes its toll, no doubt, but each of us walks our own path through the milestones of the grieving process, and only you can decide when enough is enough.<br /><br />The hardest part for me has been choosing options when none of them guarantee a child, and all of them cost a lot of money. DH and I are clear on not wanting to go the adoption route, so that leaves donor egg or surrogacy. I did try clomid AND fermara for a few cycles each, but no pregnancy resulted, so who can say if that would have worked, had we tried longer. I have been pregnant and miscarried with IVF, so that is no guarantee either. Probably surrogacy using donor egg will give me the greatest chance at a live birth, but I'm rapidly becoming really sick of the whole effort required to drag myself through this debacle and who can say if I will get that far before I just decide to stop and focus on other parts of my life. The jury is still out. I'm taking it one day at a time. But I know that I feel closer than I have ever been to hanging up the towel, and strangely but happily, I am ok with that.<br /><br />I don't know how you decide between the options before you, given the whole thing is a crapshoot, but I guess you have to find the lesser of the evils and go with the choice you can live with easiest. At the end of the day no matter what you choose, the outcome is always going to be out of your hands, and you will never know what the outcome of a different choice would have been. If we can all find a way of living with THAT knowledge, then no matter what happens 'in the end' we will get to find some peace. Right now, I'm looking for peace more than I am looking for a baby, so I'm making my choices coming from that place (with the resources I have). You will be making choices coming from where you are at, with the resources you have. <br /><br />And I will be supporting you every step of the way. xPanamahathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10248512242594265755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-613456360499463030.post-83041924771483516742010-05-21T11:39:31.038-07:002010-05-21T11:39:31.038-07:00I wish I knew the answer. I kept trying despite my...I wish I knew the answer. I kept trying despite my RPL because the RE also felt I had a decent chance at a successful pregnancy, but also because my husband wasn't willing to consider adoption or donor eggs – so really, my options were limited. In the end it worked out, but I realize how very lucky I was and am. I still don't know what I did to deserve my wonderful babies.<br /><br />My advice would be to keep trying if you have it in you to do so, because none of us ever knows when a miracle might happen. I would also consider starting the process for a domestic adoption since it can take a bit of time to get everything in order – like the home study and getting your adoption profile together before you can even begin the waiting game. Using a donor seems much more high-risk to me since it is so expensive and there are no guarantees (although I think it's a good option if you have the money).<br /><br />I understand the doubt, fear and hopelessness because I was there and I still remember it all too well. I wish this was an easier journey for you. <br /><br />*hugs*<br /><br />– gingercatAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-613456360499463030.post-56812122110415633312010-05-19T18:10:40.917-07:002010-05-19T18:10:40.917-07:00Oh hun, I'm so sorry. I know it is hard. I h...Oh hun, I'm so sorry. I know it is hard. I had two losses, and I'm not sure I could handle more, really. I had VERY similar losses to yours - I would go in at 11.5 weeks and at 9.5 weeks, and there were no heartbeats. It was devastating. <br /><br />That said, no one can tell you what to do. You know what your heart and body can handle. For me, the fertility treatment stuff was literally, I mean literally, eating me alive. I was depressed and angry all the time, my husband and I were not connected, I was incredibly sad, it was just too much. After 1.5 years after my first miscarriage, with no success after oral meds and a few IUIs, we decided to move to adoption. Then, we got pregnant. Geez. We lost that baby in December at 9.5 weeks after three perfect ultrasounds. My heart couldn't go on. <br /><br />So, we are back to adoption. We have completed everything and are on the list, and have been for two months. We could have a baby any day, or 9 months from now, there is no telling. I WILL say that the adoption road, so far, has been much more hopeful and FUN! It is a more complicated way to parent, but I have a feeling it will be worth it.<br /><br />These are MY thoughts on IVF (donor eggs or not) - they don't know why I have miscarried twice and I think I would seriously just give up on life in general if I spent ALL our money and didn't get pregnant OR got pregnant and lost the baby. For me, adoption means we WILL get a baby at the end. There is no chance of spending $15,000 and then having no baby to show for it, like there is for IVF.<br /><br />So, those are my thoughts and how I came to my decision. I still wonder some days if I should do more fertility treatments, I don't think we ever REALLY give up on our bodies:). I will continue to follow and hope you find some peace in a decision for yourself:). <br /><br />((((HUGS))))Faithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03064955747540959696noreply@blogger.com