fish tank

I had an awful dream last night. I went in for an ultrasound and it showed that my uterus had turned into a moldy old fish bowl. Complete with floating dead fish and lots of algae. Even one of those little pirate skeletons with the treasure chest. No fetus to be seen. Dr. didnt seem too surprised.

10 weekish

today is either 9w6 or 10w depending on which ultrasound you want to say is the correct one.  Im not sure either is terribly correct. I had a quick "fetal heart tones" check with the midwife this morning. Shes a lovely lady, and  is going to be my new provider starting in two weeks. The heart was beating as it should. Not too much else to say. Ive been ill, lost 5 lbs in a week. They have prescribed zofran I am a bit reluctant to take it but nothing else seems to work.

Live baby check = ok

I had my first prenatal appointment today. OB wasnt worried about my brown spotting. I tried to talk her out of the pap and pelvic but she rolled her eyes and did it anyway. She didnt see any blood in there, but admited to nicking me at some point during the exam. So I will certainly bleed some more.  I got the reward of a short ultrasound afterwards, and the bub appeared to be alive and well. 

They dont plan to give me another ultrasound for 4 weeks. I could hardly make it two days, I might have to take issue with the OB over this one. I want another quick one in a week or so.

spotting

Ive been spotting brown blood since last night. its light. I know bleeding and spotting CAN be ok in early pregnancy. Its never been ok for me though. The midwife did say on friday, that I could spot a bit after my vaginal ultrasound. I never have before, but I suppose its possible. I despise "keeping an eye on it". I hate "we will have to wait and see". I had a good cry this morning.

sick and fine

The ultrasound really was a quicky. Nurse midwife was very sympathetic, and told me she had 4 miscarriages before she had her children. The embryo measured 8w4d. Last Friday it was at 7w3. We feel as reassured as possible.  I have a picture,  but the machine is so low res it just looks like a blob. A blob that is considerably larger than it was last week.

I am sick. Queasy has progressed to trying to avoid vomiting morning, noon, and night. I am so tired.
And I'm not complaining, I'm glad. But still sick and frightened and responsible for 3 little ones. My mom left yesterday evening after helping me out for 24 hours. She is still working though so might not be able to do this again for a while.  I am prepared to tell social services that I need help, if it comes down to it. Either respite or help with transport to appointments and such. Or just tell them that I am taking a month off from driving them around all day.

The midwife has prescribed vitamin D, anti gas meds, fish oil, and algae supplements. She has also ordered a bunch of blood work, thinks i am at increased risk of gestational diabetes because of my weight, age, and family history. I go in tomorrow to get my blood sugar, iron, and vitamin D levels checked. Finally get to meet my very own OB on Monday morning. Ive been told I can refuse the pap because I am at low risk for cervical cancer. Im not sure what she will have to add to what the midwife already told me. I do enjoy having a "team" of health professionals rooting for me and fussing over me.

mental state

not so great. I have an ultrasound in the morning, and almost expect to find a heart that stopped beating. I would give anything not to think like that.. but this is what has always taken place. Brian will go with me.. its first thing in the morning so at least I wont have all day to fret over it.

here is a list of reasons to hope for the best

1. Ive felt far worse with this pregnancy than any of my others, horrible gas, sour stomach, the feeling of having been run over with a cement mixer. The occasional gag and wave of sickness.

2. That healthy heartbeat. i know I have seen one before, but it is still a good sign for any pregnancy.

3. even people with unexplained RPL stand a decent chance of going to term with each pregnancy.


Here are the reasons it could be doomed

1. all the others have been
2. I had some cramping last night that was bad enough to wake me (could have been gas)
3. that early bleed
4. As far as I can work out, I must be measuring 4-5 days behind.. as far as possible conception date goes.

7 weeks 3 days

Or so the doctor says. I have no idea when/ how this happend. It hardly matters. Its still scary with my history. doctor reckons I must have ovulated late into my jan/ feb cycle and then had a heavy early bleed. there is no more bleeding, cervix looks good.  heart rate 164. I asked if it was possible that this is more like a 9 week conception that is failing, she said not with the way it looked and the healthy heartbeat.

I go in next friday for another ultrasound with a midwife. I have an appointment with the OB on the 14th.