my story thus far

I am trying to get pregnant and carry to term. I met my husband in an msn chat room, Spring of '02. He lived in England and I was in Northern California. We spent many happy months getting to know eachother via email and instant messaging. He started phoning me that winter, and by spring '03 had talked me into an extended visit. I returned 9 months later for an even more extended visit, at which time we decided the only way we would be able to spend time together would be to get married. We looked into work visas, student visas, nothing was feasable. He finished grad school in September of '04 . By that time I was living in Oregon. He arrived at the Seattle airport with a large duffel bag , his laptop comuter, and a mild panic attack. We set up housekeeping in a small apartment and got busy building a life together. Immigration was long and arduous. I went back to school for a while, and Brian found work. We worked hard and paid off student loans. Eventually we purchased a house. The inevitable next step was starting a family.

We had started our married life with a sort of devil-may-care attitude about pregnancy. We wanted children , and had a vauge notion that they would come "later". I think there is still a large package of condoms squirelled away in a box. I was on the pill for a short time but I didnt like the way it made me feel . At some point I noticed that my cycles had been getting shorter and shorter. My OB suggested I start using ovulation predictor kits to check for ovulation. I did get positive sticks, only way too late into my short cycles. In May of '08 my Ob told me that 2 or more years of unprotected sex probably should have yielded a pregnancy. They ran tests. A hysterosalpingogram for me, a semen analysis for Brian. some basic blood work for me. Turns out I had low progesterone. Borderline for ovulation, according to the doctor. She prescribed clomid. By this time I had my husband on board with actually trying to conceive. First cycle of clomid = no pregnancy. Second cycle of clomid in September of '08 = pregnant. Joy ! We couldn't have afforded more expensive interventions. Luck was on our side . 7 week ultrasound showed a strong early heartbeat. 11.5 week ultrasound revealed dead fetus. It was what they call a "missed abortion". D&C operation the next day.

Here I am now. I am 18 days into my first post miscarriage Clomid cycle. I think its a bust. I think I ovulated too late (yesterday). I have been temping, charting, opking, and using message boards like a mad woman. This is all to stave off my sense of impending doom. Feel free to join me during my two week wait ( its always less than that for me) and feel free to leave a comment.