Missing

I miss those girls terribly now. Im sorry to say, but its by order of age youngest to oldest. The little one was only 2 when she arrived. So hard not to feel as though I have abandoned them. I think I hear them in the night and get up, half asleep. I make too much dinner. Talking to them on the phone or seeing them in person makes it 100 times harder, but I have to keep doing it. I try to imagine how they feel.

For me its similar to the feeling you get when you split up with a long term boyfriend. Or perhaps when a dear friend moves very far away. Its grief. I know what grief feels like. Our foster certifier warned me about this. She said its normal and it means that you attached properly. Normal or not, it still smarts.

  I also think we will do it again. On a smaller scale, after we know more about Titus' heart condition, and after our trip to England this spring. I don't know if I said that Brian's Nana has given us 2000 pound to travel to England as soon as the baby is able. That's just over 3000 US dollars. Ive been looking at the Icelandic air website and hoping we will able to fly with them for the stopover. Plus its less expensive than British air which would be my second choice. I wont fly internationally with any of the US based airlines. The service is awful. The space is cramped. Its a 10 hour flight from Seattle to Heathrow and that's a lot of time to be uncomfortable.

Today Brian and I celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary. Maybe having a meal out. Usually we get a fancy hotel room but we are saving that for this weekend when we travel south a bit to see my parents and attend another baby shower.