and with a golden ticket its a golden day

Brian went with me to my fetal growth scan/ non stress test on the afternoon of Friday the 4th. Titus aced the non stress test, but the tech must have looked at the umbilical cord flow for a half hour. Finally she went and got the doctor who said that he didn't like the cord flow, and that growth had slowed down in general. My C section was set for Tuesday the 8th which would have put me at 39 weeks exactly. The peri said that there was no great reason to wait, just to get a number. Because 39 weeks sounds better than 38 weeks. He said the cord flow could have looked worse, but it certainly wasn't optimal. So He sent us home to gather our things including my Mom and had us check into the hospital at 4pm with a C section scheduled for 6:30. We arrived on time and were taken to a labor and delivery room. I was so very uncomfortable at that point. I couldnt lie on my back because of the pain and pressure. I had to for a short while for the fetal heart monitor. The time went fast as they prepped me, took blood, got an IV in, gave me a pubic hair shave. Anesthesia came in and informed me I would be having a spinal block. I wasnt sure if spinal blocks or epidurals were used for C sections. At about quarter to 6pm my on perinatologist surprised me by showing up in his scrubs accompanied by a couple of residents. He had decided that he wanted to do my surgery himself (not common with an HMO). Everything was delayed a bit by the anesthesia folks being in high demand for epidurals around that time. At around 7pm I was walked into the OR. Got a couple of shots of regional anesthetic in my spine before they did the block. that was the most painful part. Brian was waiting in his scrubs, outdoors and since he was the only family member allowed in for the procedure, my Mom took the opportunity to get herself some dinner.

After they did a couple of pain tests on me, they let Brian in. He sat right next to me behind the sterile drape. I couldn't see or feel much of anything. Felt much more relaxed when they gave me some oxygen and I started feeling the small amount of morphine they added to my spinal. Before long there were tugging sensations. I didn't mind them at all, I was so interested in what was going on and so eager to see my baby. Titus was born at 7:43 pm pink and screaming.  He scored 8 and 9 on his APGARS. In light of that, they decided he could room in with me and they let Brian carry him back to the labor room where the nurse cleaned him up a bit more while i got stitched up. Sewing everything up takes quite a bit longer than cutting it open. Apparently my Peri is quite the perfectionist. I have every confidence that he did a magnificent job. I asked for some mild sedation at this point and they were kind enough to give me something that they said worked like alchohol on the brain. I felt great but dont remember much of the next hour or two. When they took me back to the labor room I was allowed  to put Titus to breast right away.

Next we were taken to a recovery room where I would spend 4 days. At about 3 am I noticed through my drug fog that something wasn't quite right with Titus. I couldn't put my finger on it. I called for the nurse who had an NICU nurse come and check him out. She said she could tell that his blood sugar was low by the way he was shivering. She took him to the nursery and I didn't get him back that night, or any of the nights I stayed in the hospital. He needed formula right away for his blood sugar. The next day they put in a glucose drip. Sad to see an IV in a little tiny hand.  I was sore but got out of bed and had them wheel me to the NICU on Saturday morning. Brian went very early and was given some lessons in how to hold and feed him.  He was so confident and I was very impressed, considering that he had never been around any infants.

By Sunday Titus was looking rather orange. Sure enough, he had a pretty bad case of jaundice. They put him under lights in nothing but a diaper. He even had to be fed on the table. This pretty much demolished my chances of being able to nurse him with any regularity. One time they wrapped him in the portable light blanket which they then stuffed down my button up pajama top. I guess that was kangaroo care. The skin to skin contact felt wonderful to me. Probably felt good to Titus too. They brought a really nice Medela pump to my room and I was encouraged to pump 8 times per day. I got most of my colostrum out that way and they fed it to Titus or let me do it.

The pediatrician on staff said that Titus has a small deformity of his penis. I forget now what its called, she made a referral to pediatric urology. His platelet count is also pretty low. This means I have to take him for a blood draw twice a week until it goes up to acceptable levels. I despise hearing him cry. His poor little hamburger feet. It breaks a Mother's heart. All of these things combined with his heart defect and short limbs made them worry more about a possible genetic disorder. They took a lot of blood right before he was discharged to be sent to my genetics doctor. She is already busy researching what it might possibly be. The blood work should be helpful.

He LOOKS perfect though. Really. He is exactly what we wanted. You can get lost in his almond shaped eyes. Very alert for such a new baby. He hardly ever fusses. When hes awake, he likes to be held and to stare at me. He roots around for the breast but since I still don't have much milk in, he is usually disappointed when he latches on.  I saw a lactation consultant yesterday at our mother baby appointment and shes given me many fine tips. I'm not going to give up. I pump and pump with the pump that as given to me by my fertility friend buddy. I got another pump yesterday that I hope will be easier on my nipples. Its a rental but insurance paid for it.

Brian has another 2 full weeks off and I suppose we are "babymooning". Its a love fest at our house. We walk around looking happy and stupid and shocked. This baby seems special, having survived my hostile uterus. Having been conceived at all. And here he is so lovely and bright eyed. I'm Charlie Bucket with his Golden ticket.

My time spent trying to build a family and eventually getting lucky was the most profound and life altering thing hat has ever happened to me. I take nothing for granted. My heart is full.

I reckon that this is it for Don't Count your Chickens. Brian and I have been talking about a blog for Titus, to talk about his health and share how hes growing. Might or might not turn into a parenting blog but it should be fun with both of us contributing. Brian can write much better than I can. We will link when its up and running.

Before I go I would like to ask -- who are you? How did you come across my blog? Are you dealing with infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss? I would love to know your story and read your blog if you have one.