catching up

I started this blog feeling that I would be trying to conceive for some time. That I might be heading towards advanced reproductive procedures that would need to be fretted over, dissected, and discussed.

But now Im pregnant. 4 weeks and three days. Every day feels like a land mine, narrowly side stepped. My period should have arrived on monday, march 9th. You will remember that I have a very short luteal phase. On thursday, the 12th I took a dollar store test with a super faint line. Brian was not impressed. I convinced my stepmother to help me sneak out for a proper test. An Answer brand HPT. the result was clearly positive but ever so faint. Took a beta blood test that afternoon and got the results early on friday the 13th. It was positive but the number was low. 18 for 13 days past ovulation. Doctor requested another test to be performed 48 hours after the first one. The second number was 64. They want it to at least double in 24 hours and it did that and then some.

After two miscarriages it feels almost impossible to bring a pregnancy to term.

The waiting

Everything is set up for a good outcome this cycle. It looks like the month I got pregnant, I ovulated on the correct day. I could let myself become very excited, the problem is that I read too much. I know the stats. I find myself struggling to put a happy spin on it. I chat with all these super optimistic women. They can be 4 years into infertility treatments with 5 miscarriages and a still birth under their belts, and still just KNOW that next month is going to be THE month. I don't know if its stupidity or blind faith. I suppose they keep hoping because the have to, what do you do when you give up on something like that ? nobody wants to admit defeat when they have been putting up a brave fight.

Friday is my 33rd birthday. I also go in to get my progesterone drawn to confirm ovulation for this cycle. From what I understand, it is not at all easy to get blood out of me. In June it took three different phlebotomists no less than nine collective attempts to get two small vials of blood. I once had a lab tech call me "the turnip" because they just cant get the blood out. Anyhow, going in for that poking on my birthday is adding insult to injury. I don't mind the pain, its just the inconvenience,, I always end up telling them I'm so sorry to take up so much of their time.

I have 8 more days in the dreaded wait. If I am pregnant this cycle, my due date will be November 20th, My husband's birthday. I couldnt imagine a nicer gift.