Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Good news, the weight loss is happening. Down 4 lbs, give or take a pound in water weight.

Bad news, Ive been having a hell of a time figuring out how to get both older girls to school. The middle one has finally been excepted into Head Start. This is a big deal this time of year as they are usually full and expected that she wouldnt get in til this coming fall. I hounded them, and they happend to have a spot in an afternoon class. Her class gets out at 3.15, as does her sister's Kindergarten, which is located about 6 miles (and lots of traffic congestion away). 6 miles in the country is nothing, 6 miles in the city can be awful. The state had said apon placement, that they would transport the elder girl in the interest of keeping her in the same kindergarten that she has attended since fall. This is out of district, not just another school. DHS has not been able to set up any transport, even though they said it would just take a week or two. We are now going on 2 months with no satisfaction. I cant be two places at once.. UGH. Caseworker is bent on keeping her at her school, Im saying its just not feasable. No other foster parent is expected to transport out of district.

Anyhow, the lawyer is involved, the branch manager is involved, and I am STILL doing all the transport, which includes loading the little ones in and out of the car an extra 8 times a day. if you have ever had to get two toddlers and one 5 year old in and out of a car, in traffic parked in the street, you will know what a hassle this is. Middle girl starts preschool on the 10th, and all I can say is things better be worked out by then.

Apart from all that, things are going pretty well.

I have a phone consult with an RE in Reno, Nevda next Thursday. Im thinking May for a FET using donor embryos. GULP... but brian is on board. I feel that within our means, this has to be the best way to get a live baby. Even if we have to try it a few times. We are still grappling with the loss of the bio child dream, but I feel that being pregnant and giving birth will go a long way towards that not really being a big deal, in the long run.

EDIT to add that Mexico is still not totally out of the picture, but it will be less expensive and possibly more productive to try with donor embie first. Ive been waffling all over the place on this, but things are now falling into place.

Friday, January 14, 2011


My sister in law is pregnant. Again. My niece is turning two in a few days. Because she lives in England, I wont have to see her all the time getting larger, and plumper, and smugger. This is a small blessing. She already has my inlaws caring for her toddler full time while she works, so I imagine this will tie them down a bit further, this means no visits to the states. Thats a risk we took when we decided not to live in the UK, but still stinks a bit. Our foster children are a curiosity, but their grandchild is the light of their lives, and I just wish we could have produced that kind of joy for our parents. This has been one of the hardest parts of infertility for me, not being able to provide grandchildren. My parents would be just as thirlled with an adopted child, but I think that is looking less and less likely. ive been invited to attend an adoptive parent support meeting, with a special DHS guest speaker who is pretty much there to tell us how the laws have changed, and how nearly impossible it is to adopt through the state these days. Brian's parents would have a hard enough time attaching to a child they will hardly ever see, even if it was biologically connected with them. An adopted child,, well I can see them not being too excited.

The girl's brother who is due to be born at any time, has been matched with a private adoptive family. I spent an hour and a half on the phone with the social worker yesterday, a lot of interesting info but no answers as to what is going to become of these girls. Their mother's mental health eval has been completed and she is a pretty sick chicky. She thinks they will still be here this summer. I asked if we can take them out of the country. England is off the menue with that many travelers, due to the cost of tickets but Mexico.. maybe we will go to mexico again. There was a court hearing yesterday for the girls, but nobody came with enough paper work so they have sched. another one in a months time. Their bio dad actually made it all the way from Arizona to be present for that court hearing. He is talking of moving to Portland, but is on probation in AZ. the social worker suspects him of being a pedophile, and she says no way hes getting the girls. Great. There is a great grandmother on the paternal side who is the best hope right now. They try that hard to have family adopt, that they will even give the children to people who are quite elderly.

Been on the phone with my RE he is finally on board 100% for an IUI with injects, but the question is still whether or not thats the best use of our money. Brian has discussed embryo donation again, once he really grasped how much a private adoption costs. He is also still talking about Guadalajara, whatever happens, it will take place this summer. The next attempt. In the meantime, Im saying it right here.. Im going to lose some weight. I must lose some weight, Im heavier than I have ever been. I am 5'2 and weighing in at 140 lbs. i have a teeny tiny frame and I look big. my face is fat, my thighs are huge. My gut is looking 6 months pregnant and Im tired of that. I am certainly an apple shape. so the diet starts today. I would like to get down to my highschool/ early 20's weight of 100 pounds. before you tell me that is too skinny, I have to assure you that I wasnt skinny at that weight. I still had 34 D sized breasts and a little padding, Im just built small. Wish me luck and willpower.