Wednesday, April 27, 2011

This is from my ipod so will have to be short. Yesterday i was at a local hospital taking one of the girls to see a specialist. I sneezed and felt as though all my insides fell out. Ran to the bathroom and beld clots soaking my underwear and pants blood running everywhere had to tell the child that the baby was "falling out". I flagged down a passing doctor inthe hall who phoned the emergency dept. A nurse came to collect me in a wheelchair. I had them take my foster daughter to the nurses station so i could get out of my bloody clothes. I proceded to bleed all over the floor and was sobbing. Nice nurse got me cleaned up and into a gown. My brother lived nearby and was summoned to take the child to his mom arrived and they gave me a shot of morphine to sedate me for the ultrasound. Once again the baby was alive! The tech found a small sub chorionic hematoma. The prognosis for this pregnancy is still decent. You have no idea how much blood... I thought i would need a transfusion. They think the hemmorage bled out. Im on bedrest now.

Monday, April 25, 2011

waiting for blood work- now with update

having wonky hcg levels has been my first indicator of failing pregnancy 2 times. Each time i have had to wait in a stuffy OB waiting room to get the results, and they have been given to me by an advice nurse, who has glibly stated that I will likely soon miscarry. Today I have the advantage of getting news from the OB. I still have to get my blood drawn and wait a couple of hours at the hospital.

At this point they wouldn't normally be messing with hcg levels, but with threatened abortion they check them to get a broader picture of what is going on.

The reason this bleed has shaken my confidence so much is that historically, all is not well even after seeing heart beat post bleed. What happens is I have a big bleed, it clears up and then fetal demise a week or two later. I know that this baby is bigger and hopefully stronger than the others. My feeling is that my embryos have an attachment issue. Assuming that we have a live baby today, I'm going to ask for an ultrasound with the perinatologist. Ive been told they have some fancy equipment, and I would like to look for a possible SCH.

Ill be back to update this post at around 4pm pacific.

In the meantime I'm battling this crippling constipation.. still. I haven't had a proper movement in 5 days and it turns you into a freak because all you can think about is shitting! Ive tried fiber, stool softener, fresh fruit and raw veg, apple sauce, fluids, prunes, prune juice, exercise, and glycerin suppositories, with almost nothing to show for it. I am very much afraid that I will have to have the "obstruction" removed/ loosened up by the doctor. How unpleasant is that?!? I blame the zofran and have stopped taking it.

the update.. we found the heart beat on a Doppler today. This is the first time for me, so its a milestone of sorts. Never made it far enough to not have to bust out the ultrasound machine. Ive been gagging and puking.. something is going right in there! I just HATE HATE HATE seeing blood. Dr. said it could have been an SCH. shes not going to order another ultrasound unless there is another bleed. she suggested milk of magnesia for the stop up.. I do hope it works!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Big Bleed

I started gushing bright red blood yesterday afternoon, about 4pm. No spotting or cramping leading up to it, just blood running down my legs and everywhere. I screamed. Brian had to take the children out to the back garden. An ambulance was called and arrived in record time. I took the first ambulance ride of my life all alone while Brian stayed home with the girls.  The EMT's were very nice, but not very good at venipuncture. They couldn't get an IV into my hands and they dug and dug. I am a "hard stick" I admit, but these guys... just awful. I threatened a smack and they left me alone until we arrived at the hospital. The benefit of arriving to the emergency room by ambulance and not by car .. you get a room right away. Last time I presented at this same hospital with threatened miscarriage, I had to wait SEVEN HOURS to be seen. A kindly house keeper brought me a commode and stood over me while I peed and bled into it for a while. I had no less than 3 additional health care professionals try to get IV's in and blood samples from me. They finally had to call in a venipuncture specialist from the hospital and a phlebotomist. The charge nurse had no luck. I lost count at 6 stabs but my arms are all bruised and sore. After they finally got these things accomplished the nurse catheterized me to get a clean urine sample and the 12 year old resident doctor made his appearance. He wasn't 12.. but perhaps a young 27. I did ask for an OB but they told me not on Easter weekend. Ghost staff at the hospital and mine wasn't on call. The resident gave me a pelvic exam and took some swabs. Found a good sized clot in my vagina and removed it. I asked about my cervix, and he said that the cervical os was closed. I asked what this means and he said it probably meant that I had already miscarried and it had closed back up! what a ding dong!! I explained that i would have certainly bled longer than a couple of hours if miscarrying a nearly 11 week fetus. I had high hopes of being sent to ultrasound to get a good look in there and check for a source of the bleed.. but that was not to be. An hour or so later he dug up a dusty old portable machine with no vaginal probe. The doctor reckoned we wouldn't be able to see much with the abdominal transducer.. but the very moment he put it on my skin the gestational sac was visible, and the bub AND his little heartbeat. My urine tested clean and my HCG was 140,000 which is on target for how far along I am. I have had no cramping and am still feeling quite sick to my stomach.

And of course now we wait and see. Threatened abortion. Brian is taking a few days off of work.. more if the OB prescribes bed rest. I suggested to Brian that the girls go into shelter care for a few weeks while I resolve this one way or the other but he said over his dead body.  I will get another beta tomorrow and see the OB either then or Tuesday.

please think a good thought for us. I am so weary of everything having to do with pregnancy loss. I told the admitting nurse at hospital that I might end up a psychiatric patient before this is all over, and she thought I was joking. I don't think its funny.

Friday, April 22, 2011

fish tank

I had an awful dream last night. I went in for an ultrasound and it showed that my uterus had turned into a moldy old fish bowl. Complete with floating dead fish and lots of algae. Even one of those little pirate skeletons with the treasure chest. No fetus to be seen. Dr. didnt seem too surprised.

Monday, April 18, 2011

10 weekish

today is either 9w6 or 10w depending on which ultrasound you want to say is the correct one.  Im not sure either is terribly correct. I had a quick "fetal heart tones" check with the midwife this morning. Shes a lovely lady, and  is going to be my new provider starting in two weeks. The heart was beating as it should. Not too much else to say. Ive been ill, lost 5 lbs in a week. They have prescribed zofran I am a bit reluctant to take it but nothing else seems to work.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Live baby check = ok

I had my first prenatal appointment today. OB wasnt worried about my brown spotting. I tried to talk her out of the pap and pelvic but she rolled her eyes and did it anyway. She didnt see any blood in there, but admited to nicking me at some point during the exam. So I will certainly bleed some more.  I got the reward of a short ultrasound afterwards, and the bub appeared to be alive and well. 

They dont plan to give me another ultrasound for 4 weeks. I could hardly make it two days, I might have to take issue with the OB over this one. I want another quick one in a week or so.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Ive been spotting brown blood since last night. its light. I know bleeding and spotting CAN be ok in early pregnancy. Its never been ok for me though. The midwife did say on friday, that I could spot a bit after my vaginal ultrasound. I never have before, but I suppose its possible. I despise "keeping an eye on it". I hate "we will have to wait and see". I had a good cry this morning.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

sick and fine

The ultrasound really was a quicky. Nurse midwife was very sympathetic, and told me she had 4 miscarriages before she had her children. The embryo measured 8w4d. Last Friday it was at 7w3. We feel as reassured as possible.  I have a picture,  but the machine is so low res it just looks like a blob. A blob that is considerably larger than it was last week.

I am sick. Queasy has progressed to trying to avoid vomiting morning, noon, and night. I am so tired.
And I'm not complaining, I'm glad. But still sick and frightened and responsible for 3 little ones. My mom left yesterday evening after helping me out for 24 hours. She is still working though so might not be able to do this again for a while.  I am prepared to tell social services that I need help, if it comes down to it. Either respite or help with transport to appointments and such. Or just tell them that I am taking a month off from driving them around all day.

The midwife has prescribed vitamin D, anti gas meds, fish oil, and algae supplements. She has also ordered a bunch of blood work, thinks i am at increased risk of gestational diabetes because of my weight, age, and family history. I go in tomorrow to get my blood sugar, iron, and vitamin D levels checked. Finally get to meet my very own OB on Monday morning. Ive been told I can refuse the pap because I am at low risk for cervical cancer. Im not sure what she will have to add to what the midwife already told me. I do enjoy having a "team" of health professionals rooting for me and fussing over me.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

mental state

not so great. I have an ultrasound in the morning, and almost expect to find a heart that stopped beating. I would give anything not to think like that.. but this is what has always taken place. Brian will go with me.. its first thing in the morning so at least I wont have all day to fret over it.

here is a list of reasons to hope for the best

1. Ive felt far worse with this pregnancy than any of my others, horrible gas, sour stomach, the feeling of having been run over with a cement mixer. The occasional gag and wave of sickness.

2. That healthy heartbeat. i know I have seen one before, but it is still a good sign for any pregnancy.

3. even people with unexplained RPL stand a decent chance of going to term with each pregnancy.

Here are the reasons it could be doomed

1. all the others have been
2. I had some cramping last night that was bad enough to wake me (could have been gas)
3. that early bleed
4. As far as I can work out, I must be measuring 4-5 days behind.. as far as possible conception date goes.

Friday, April 1, 2011

7 weeks 3 days

Or so the doctor says. I have no idea when/ how this happend. It hardly matters. Its still scary with my history. doctor reckons I must have ovulated late into my jan/ feb cycle and then had a heavy early bleed. there is no more bleeding, cervix looks good.  heart rate 164. I asked if it was possible that this is more like a 9 week conception that is failing, she said not with the way it looked and the healthy heartbeat.

I go in next friday for another ultrasound with a midwife. I have an appointment with the OB on the 14th.