Wednesday, March 30, 2011

no news

Just waiting for my ultrasound on Friday. 5 weeks is a bit early to image a gestational sac, but that is what I am hoping for. The OB does not have the fancy equipment that the RE has. the RE charges 300 dollars per ultrasound. The OB is free (well, I pay my insurance premium). I guess I will have an ultrasound weekly until they figure out what is going on.

The new OB wrote and told me she thinks I have a 60% chance of this being a normal gestation and going to term. Its kind of her. They are supposed to be supportive.

I feel ok. Pregnant. My digestive system has seen better days. Not vomiting but ugh,, burping and heartburn. Im tired a lot but Brian is picking up some slack around the house. My mom came over last night to feed the girls and get them ready for bed.

I will update on Friday!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Luck be a lady

They call you lady luck but there is room for doubt
at times you have a very un-lady-like
way of running out

I can't expend the mental and physical energy needed to be negative about this pregnancy. So until proven otherwise , I'm pregnant and intend to enjoy it. I have read some very encouraging stories whilst playing doctor Google. I am holding off on the ultrasound until I am sure that they can image something meaningful. Maybe two weeks from tomorrow, maybe a little sooner. I will have to confirm that plan with the new OB.

i feel OK. my nerves got shot over the past couple of days but I think I can rally. I have to keep it together in order to care for these special needs foster kids.

Friday, March 25, 2011

but of course.. crap news

my beta was 5,830 . Im only about 14 dpo. this of course is making them think "molar pregnancy".

What are the chances,, 1 in 1000. Who is likely to have this happen to them? Why me, of course! I dont know how Im going to get through the next two weeks without a trip to the psych ward.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

You will never guess...

I ordered my meds today from Walgreen's speciality pharmacy. They cost 1200 dollars and are non refundable under any circumstances. They will be delivered tomorrow morning.

I also took a pregnancy test this evening  because I had a teeny weeny bit of spotting at the wrong time in my cycle. The spotting stopped a few days ago, and I am super duper pregnant. I have never seen pregnancy tests so positive in all my days. I took 4 of them including a digital. I have no idea when I ovulated but had that follicle measuring 14 on cd 10. must have been like cycle day 13.. 14. Im now on cd 26.

Life is pretty fucking weird.

Edit to add that I had intercourse only once this cycle, on day 12.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

consult and saline ultrasound

We did our required psychiatric consultation on Monday. Out late the night before for my 35th Birthday, then a zoo field trip with the middle girl's preschool. Brian took the day off of work for all of that.. little one joined us at the zoo. Pretty beat by the time we got them back, and drove across town again for the psych. My brother babysat, which was very helpful. The consultation was grueling and sad and I hated it. I liked the doctor well enough, her questions were thorough and pointed, but  she seemed to think it was some sort of profound revelation to note "this is all still so raw". No kidding? Ive been trying for a baby for about  5years. Ive lost many potential children. This is always going to be a little raw. I hate feeling like my grief and suffering are a character flaw. She said she would write us a favorable report.

I hired a sitter off of craigslist for my Tuesday morning ultrasound. She checked out well, shes a young mother who lives in the neighborhood and has a 3 year old. She is studying to be a midwife. Anyhow, its nice to know her and we think we can do some childcare trade. The sono was more painful than i thought it would be, whenever I have a catheter up in there I cramp. Maybe I will have to ask the RE for extra Valium for my transfer.  felt better after she actually put the saline in, nice and cool. My uterus looks "perfect" and my lining was 8 on cd 10. I had a good looking follie on my right side (14). WTF? Ive been told I barely ovulate if at all, and while I suppose its possible that I gear up to do so and then everything just sort of craps out .I'm really interested to know what my progesterone would look like this cycle.. mid luteal phase. This was the first time I had a follicle check on a non medicated cycle, to be honest it looked as good or better than the one monitored Femara cycle I did. The best news was that my uterus looks so good. Couldn't be better, they said. I wonder how they judge these things. I had been so worried about scar tissue from my many d&cs. Still a couple of appointments to take care of but hopefully we will be on track to start BCP after my next period.  The legal paper work is all taken care of, notarized and sent off.

A bit of drama going on with the girls, reunification to be in full swing in the next month or so. Meanwhile, their medical problems get worse. Middle girl in and out of hospital this past week, many sleepless nights for me. I worry that if she is returned to the low IQ, medically neglectful mother, that she will actually die. All I can do is tell her lawyer and say it in court if need be. Social  workers are coddling and hand holding the mom.. this is the hardest part of foster parenting, I imagine. I give them a 90% chance of being back in care within a year of reunification.