Friday, January 14, 2011


My sister in law is pregnant. Again. My niece is turning two in a few days. Because she lives in England, I wont have to see her all the time getting larger, and plumper, and smugger. This is a small blessing. She already has my inlaws caring for her toddler full time while she works, so I imagine this will tie them down a bit further, this means no visits to the states. Thats a risk we took when we decided not to live in the UK, but still stinks a bit. Our foster children are a curiosity, but their grandchild is the light of their lives, and I just wish we could have produced that kind of joy for our parents. This has been one of the hardest parts of infertility for me, not being able to provide grandchildren. My parents would be just as thirlled with an adopted child, but I think that is looking less and less likely. ive been invited to attend an adoptive parent support meeting, with a special DHS guest speaker who is pretty much there to tell us how the laws have changed, and how nearly impossible it is to adopt through the state these days. Brian's parents would have a hard enough time attaching to a child they will hardly ever see, even if it was biologically connected with them. An adopted child,, well I can see them not being too excited.

The girl's brother who is due to be born at any time, has been matched with a private adoptive family. I spent an hour and a half on the phone with the social worker yesterday, a lot of interesting info but no answers as to what is going to become of these girls. Their mother's mental health eval has been completed and she is a pretty sick chicky. She thinks they will still be here this summer. I asked if we can take them out of the country. England is off the menue with that many travelers, due to the cost of tickets but Mexico.. maybe we will go to mexico again. There was a court hearing yesterday for the girls, but nobody came with enough paper work so they have sched. another one in a months time. Their bio dad actually made it all the way from Arizona to be present for that court hearing. He is talking of moving to Portland, but is on probation in AZ. the social worker suspects him of being a pedophile, and she says no way hes getting the girls. Great. There is a great grandmother on the paternal side who is the best hope right now. They try that hard to have family adopt, that they will even give the children to people who are quite elderly.

Been on the phone with my RE he is finally on board 100% for an IUI with injects, but the question is still whether or not thats the best use of our money. Brian has discussed embryo donation again, once he really grasped how much a private adoption costs. He is also still talking about Guadalajara, whatever happens, it will take place this summer. The next attempt. In the meantime, Im saying it right here.. Im going to lose some weight. I must lose some weight, Im heavier than I have ever been. I am 5'2 and weighing in at 140 lbs. i have a teeny tiny frame and I look big. my face is fat, my thighs are huge. My gut is looking 6 months pregnant and Im tired of that. I am certainly an apple shape. so the diet starts today. I would like to get down to my highschool/ early 20's weight of 100 pounds. before you tell me that is too skinny, I have to assure you that I wasnt skinny at that weight. I still had 34 D sized breasts and a little padding, Im just built small. Wish me luck and willpower.


  1. Good luck and willpower with the weight loss, you can do it!

    I am 5 1.5, with a tiny frame, and after the horrific 2005 (3 losses that year inc ectopic) crept right up to 138 pounds and felt dreadful for it. Over the next 5 years I steadily lost weight (with smaller increases after each loss and IVF cycle). Today I am 110 pounds and feel confident I can maintain that. I haven't been 100 pounds since I was 12yrs old, and don't think it is a realistic goal for me, but if I can stay at 110 for the whole of this year I will consider myself victorious.

    My advice would be don't try to lose more than 10 pounds at a time, stay there for a while and let your body adjust to the new set point. While you are on your way to your goal, don't beat yourself up if you gain, but don't let yourself gain back more than 3 pounds -get strict again if you do. And give yourself a year to get to the final weight. This is not something that can be done well in a hurry. The book Mastering Leptin really helped me. Best of luck to you!

  2. So sorry to hear of all the wonderings and losses you are experiencing right now. As for the cost of private adoption, I'm not sure if you have researched it, but the adoption tax credit is what made it do-able for us. This year, it is over $12,000, dollar for dollar back on your taxes. That basically made our adoption cost less than what IVF would have cost us. Just a thought. Good luck and willpower, hun!

  3. Panamahat, thanks for your advice and support. If you can do it so can i! I will check out the book you suggested. 110 would also. Be a fine goal and i like the idea of doing it 10 pounds at a time. Faith, thank you for the support too the problem with the tax credit is that its still being renewed on a year to year basis and still due to sunset back to 5 k next year. Also we dont have 30 thousand sitting in the bank and there is no way we could get that in a lump sum. Even if we could get the twelve thousand back. Private adoption is just out of reach for many folks. Its amazing and wonderful when it can happen.