Over 3 weeks ago Titus came down with a cough. Then a fever, then screaming and 104 in the middle of the night. We took him to the ER and he had pneumonia in addition to an ear infection. A 10 day course of antibiotics and we thought he was mostly better. Then this past Saturday the coughing an fever started in again. Another trip to urgent care and no pneumonia this time but an ear infection in the same ear. Another 10 days of antibiotics. Around the same time that he came down with his crud, I started in with a fever, body chills, aches, crusty virus eyes. Then a painful cough. This was on top of the bronchitis I had already been fighting for several weeks. I also took a course of antibiotics. Almost a month after that second infection and I am still dealing with green mucus and low energy. This is some seriously nasty shit. I probably had a virus and a secondary bacterial infection. I continue to wake up coughing in the night. Having to steam my sinuses open in the shower each morning. Caring for a sick toddler while you are also very ill and pregnant = misery. Brian helped as much as he could with a slightly milder version of what we had. He missed over a week of work.
Titus coughed so hard that he vomited up his substantial dinner last night. Several times. The coughing and puking kept him awake past midnight so it is now 8:30 and he is still snug asleep. Poor little poo poo. I will wake him soon because he must be awfully dried out. Daycare baby home sick today too with a fever of 103 an screaming. She seems to introduce some new sort of nastiness every few weeks. My mother calls her Typhoid Mary. Luckily cold and flu season is drawing to an end, and little "Mary" will soon be cared for by her grandmother. I have loved having her here and the company of her mother on a daily basis. Takes some of the loneliness out of being cooped up indoors with little ones.
I had an anatomy scan a week ago. Good news, baby looks robustly healthy. No heart issues seen. No short limbs. In fact, everything was measuring big. 20 weeks 2 when I ought to have been 19 weeks 1. The tech went back and looked at the dating scan from 7 weeks as this was the second time baby that she had measured my baby large. The dating scan was done by the radiologist at another clinic. The perniatologist shrugged it off by saying that they do bad measurements over there. I know that it isn't possible for me to have been any further than 19 weeks 3 that day. They have not mentioned changing my due date. Bad news, my cervix is measuring short. 2.8 cm at 19 weeks. Normal for that point in pregnancy is more like 4. Anything under 3 is not so great. Anything under 2.5 is cause for concern. The MFM will image my cervix again in a couple of weeks. If it is shorter he will prescribe vaginal progesterone and either restricted activity or bed rest. Hoping it holds steady at 2.8. I understand that bed rest is a very special sort of hell. I did one week of self imposed bed rest when I had the sch while pregnant with Titus. This would probably mean months of bed rest. Not good. DHS has a heads up. I told M's caseworker that I will be totally out of commission if my cervix continues to shorten and that M will need to move. They are talking about moving him in the next 3 weeks anyway. To his Dad's apartment. That is a long post for another day. The doctor said that my history of a full term baby works in my favor in this situation and they will just keep monitoring the old cervix closely. He said if I am ever worried before a scheduled scan, that I may be seen earlier. I do like him.
Oh, the baby is a boy. I know that in the IF community that disappointment around the sex of the baby is not really cool. I have it though. I wanted to be a mother to a girl. I am owning it as something "normal" that a person who had not been through infertility and loss might feel. I feel blessed and lucky for my Titus and this belly baby. I also wept when I knew that I would not have the daughter I have been dreaming of my whole life. Titus will have a brother less than 2 years his junior. They will be one grade apart in school. The brothers will share a room on our small house (assuming we don't move) and have the other bedroom for a play room. We are still fine tuning a name. Contenders are August and Augustus. Middle names considered are currently Daniel and Benedict.
Titus coughed so hard that he vomited up his substantial dinner last night. Several times. The coughing and puking kept him awake past midnight so it is now 8:30 and he is still snug asleep. Poor little poo poo. I will wake him soon because he must be awfully dried out. Daycare baby home sick today too with a fever of 103 an screaming. She seems to introduce some new sort of nastiness every few weeks. My mother calls her Typhoid Mary. Luckily cold and flu season is drawing to an end, and little "Mary" will soon be cared for by her grandmother. I have loved having her here and the company of her mother on a daily basis. Takes some of the loneliness out of being cooped up indoors with little ones.
I had an anatomy scan a week ago. Good news, baby looks robustly healthy. No heart issues seen. No short limbs. In fact, everything was measuring big. 20 weeks 2 when I ought to have been 19 weeks 1. The tech went back and looked at the dating scan from 7 weeks as this was the second time baby that she had measured my baby large. The dating scan was done by the radiologist at another clinic. The perniatologist shrugged it off by saying that they do bad measurements over there. I know that it isn't possible for me to have been any further than 19 weeks 3 that day. They have not mentioned changing my due date. Bad news, my cervix is measuring short. 2.8 cm at 19 weeks. Normal for that point in pregnancy is more like 4. Anything under 3 is not so great. Anything under 2.5 is cause for concern. The MFM will image my cervix again in a couple of weeks. If it is shorter he will prescribe vaginal progesterone and either restricted activity or bed rest. Hoping it holds steady at 2.8. I understand that bed rest is a very special sort of hell. I did one week of self imposed bed rest when I had the sch while pregnant with Titus. This would probably mean months of bed rest. Not good. DHS has a heads up. I told M's caseworker that I will be totally out of commission if my cervix continues to shorten and that M will need to move. They are talking about moving him in the next 3 weeks anyway. To his Dad's apartment. That is a long post for another day. The doctor said that my history of a full term baby works in my favor in this situation and they will just keep monitoring the old cervix closely. He said if I am ever worried before a scheduled scan, that I may be seen earlier. I do like him.
Oh, the baby is a boy. I know that in the IF community that disappointment around the sex of the baby is not really cool. I have it though. I wanted to be a mother to a girl. I am owning it as something "normal" that a person who had not been through infertility and loss might feel. I feel blessed and lucky for my Titus and this belly baby. I also wept when I knew that I would not have the daughter I have been dreaming of my whole life. Titus will have a brother less than 2 years his junior. They will be one grade apart in school. The brothers will share a room on our small house (assuming we don't move) and have the other bedroom for a play room. We are still fine tuning a name. Contenders are August and Augustus. Middle names considered are currently Daniel and Benedict.
I'm so glad to read your post - not all the fever and illness and worrying cervix, but to know that you are doing 'okay'. I hope that things continue to go well with the baby, and that your cervix improves.
ReplyDeleteUgh. That sounds SO ROUGH! I'm so sorry you've been through all this. I hope you're all back to 100% soon.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sorry you're mourning the daughter you won't be mothering. I would also be very disappointed to not have a daughter. I would absolutely have to mourn that, so I definitely understand.
Good Lord, I really thought you'd both be over the illness by now. I can't believe you have have had to suffer for this long. I can't even begin to imagine the misery. It will no doubt be a mixed blessing when M leaves and also Typhoid Mary. Lift a load, but hard to let go of attachments and other support. Nothing's ever easy, is it?
ReplyDeleteI understand mourning the daughter you're not having, and I admire your courage to say so- I know such a 'complaint' is frowned upon in our community. But I support you to feel whatever you are feeling about whatever you are experiencing. I'm glad you are not silenced by other people's potential judgements and know that that is THEIR stuff.
I think you are in a remarkably good mental state for your current situation, and admire your resilience. Hang in there and I REALLY hope health picks up ASAP for all of you. xx