Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Caution be damned

My therapist would like for me to wait to try to conceive. She said "lets get you through the holidays". I feel that the best way to get through the holidays would be to do something something productive, reproductively speaking. My OB thinks we can try again whenever we please. She is happy that I'm doing the counseling and going to the support group. My chinese medicine doc wants me to hold off for another two months at least. I suppose it would be best to reach my ideal BMI, get my chi aligned and my emotions sorted out neatly, but I say phooey. I don't have enough faith in the chinese medicine to hit the snooze button on my biological clock. Because I have some sort of ovulatory dysfunction in addition to my little habitual abortion problem, I feel pressed for time. I will be 34 in March. I know that most women still have a handful of good breedin' years ahead of them by 34 but I am not one of those women. My best years are certainly behind me for baby making, if I ever had them. Im not ovulating on my own, and Im not going to count on becoming pregnant on clomid, as quickly as I have in the past. I have to be prepared for things to take a while, or to be moved on to injectibles and IUI. This has already taken a while. I've lost count of how many cycles I have actually timed intercourse but I do know that I recently found receipts for HPT's dating back to late 2005. Each time I become pregnant and miscarry, I feel as if I just got sent back to the start line of a long foot race. Then there is all the negotiation with the doctors, my husband, our schedules, finances, sex life, fertility meds. I want something I can keep so I don't have to keep starting fresh each time. Weather that be a baby I will give birth to, or a baby I will adopt, I want it soon. My life has been on hold for too long. Its not easy to make career plans or serious work commitments when a pregnancy is looming on the horizon. If I miscarry again we will move right into adoption proceedings. The main reasons for not initiating adoption now are financial ones. Its far less expensive to try for a "free" baby.

All this to say that I'm determined to have another go. phoning the doctor this afternoon to be sure my clomid prescription is ready to go for this next cycle. Im also getting my cd 3 blood work redone, as the last time they took it I was pregnant. Of course we didnt know at the time, but the RE said even though I was miscarrying, the low FSH number probably wasn't correct. I can still avail myself to the chinese medicine. I can still get therapy, but I dont think I can wait much longer.

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