Friday, November 13, 2009

quantity or quality ?

I know that many people spend quite a bit of time carefully crafting clever blog posts. Cutting out the filler and just elegantly taking things down to the essence, creating intrigue and mystery, or meticulously detailing everything that's happened to them in the past several weeks.

I'm not that sort of blogger, yet.

I thought I would mention some of this past weeks highlights very quickly, before my husband arrives home from work and notices that I've sat on my butt all day and done virtually nothing.

I saw the psychiatrist. I now have a proper diagnosis, which is generalized anxiety disorder with catastrophic thinking, made worse by "trauma". The trauma has been the last year of my life. I am now on a low dose of zoloft. She wanted to give me benzodiazepines too, but of course we cant do that while I am trying to get pregnant. valium + pregnancy = bad news. I would happily gobble up all the bennies she's willing to dole out, but oddly I'm not all that thrilled about the zoloft. I suppose I feel if I'm going to poison myself, I should at least get a bit of a kick from it. She said the meds are non negotiable. Fair enough. We start behavioral therapy next week.

Brian and I did our duty and performed the marital act enough times that there should have been plenty O sperm at the ready for whenever that fickle egg decided to make her appearance. Fashionably late probably. I don't trust my temperature charts. I am now aprox 5 dpo and cant relate any possible symptoms or indicators, because I am also on prometrium this cycle, in the luteal phase. The RE wanted me to do this. Also means I wont be able to get my 7 dpo progesterone draw to confirm ovulation. The progesterone makes me queasy, tired, sore breasted, grumpy, bloated, and crampy. Much like early pregnancy.

Being in a two week wait always makes me super anxious, and grouchy. I hate it. If I had to bet, I would say that I will not be pregnant this cycle. Never call tell though, I've said it before and been wrong.

I had a dream last night that Brian was 21 weeks pregnant. I wondered how the hell he had managed to get himself pregnant, but I was so happy that we were expecting.

1 comment:

  1. Em,

    glad to hear things moving forward with your counsellor, even if it isn't totally what you'd order. Hope the zoloft does something, and the couples behavioural therapy is useful.

    I have been talking with a counsellor for almost 2 months now and it is helping enormously. I almost wish I'd done it sooner. Ha, hindsight.

    Blah to the 2ww - I don't do it myself anymore, but I remember the feelings well, and they suck.

    LOL @ your dream. I recently dreamt that a good friend had cancer in both her breasts, but was putting off treatment so she could be a surrogate to a woman I didn't know. I was pissed off that she didn't offer to GS for ME first. Then in the same dream, my donor got pregnant again before she could donate her eggs to me. I was all "well THIS is a fine how-do-you-do. No babies for me now." Funny what your unconscious mind comes up with...