Monday, December 28, 2009

Not all that Merry and Bright

Christmas sucked, but not quite as bad as it sucked last year. I got more than a dozen christmas card photos of fat, happy, babies & toddlers. Individually I love them all and the parents that they belong to. As a collective group of toothy grins and red velvet, its pretty damn depressing. All the christmas stuff is coming down in the next few days.

I have recently completed yet another clomid cycle. My period started on December 21st, and I have now finished taking the tablets for this month. Ocassional hot flash, but nothing to write home about. Same old same old. I have been putting a lot of thought into what is going to happen if I dont become pregnant (and carry to term) with these next couple clomid cycles. I phoned the RE and hes talking injects. The inject/ IUI cycles cost between 3 and 4 thousand dollars per cycle. We would be spending money we dont really have, if we had to do more than one. There is also a chance of doing some Femara/ IUI cycles at a cost of about $600 per month. Because I have responded so well to ovarian stimulation, that might the thing to try first. My OB wont prescribe Femara, so the RE would have to monitor the cycle, thus the extra cost. Ive been getting away with clomid cycles for about 150 dollars a month, all told. I have also been giving much thought to adoption, but the truth is the most economical way to build our family is to continue to try for a biological child. With Idiopathic recurrent pregnancy loss, the eventual sucess rates are pretty high. I have that little carrot, and Im going to keep chasing after it for a while.

It's our busy time of year at work and Ive worn myself out with parties and events, I have the next few days off to relax. Zolft seems to be mostly doing its job, but Im sort of losing the highs along with the lows, general feelings of BLAH. Im wondering if resuming my meditation practice or attending some yoga classes would help with my energy levels.

Brian got me a teach yourself spanish CD and book set for christmas, and I intend to have a really good bash at it. Lots of native Spanish speakers at work and would be nice to have an additional communication tool. We also got a couple of books about raising chickens, we are putting a chicken coop in the garden, this spring.

well my friends, I think that it for now. I will update with anything exciting as far as this clomid cycle goes.


  1. Glad to see you back. Sorry your last clomid cycle was a bust, and that you got a swathe of kiddie cards for Xmas. I only got the one and it was more than enough.

    I'm sure that resuming yoga and meditation would help with your energy levels. I need to begin again myself, after a two week holiday abroad, and the general Christmas scenario. I'm still struggling with awful jet lag in the mornings, which is my excuse for not sitting yet, but it's a lame one, I know.

    I've heard that antidepressants level out your mood to a sort of flatline, it can't be a nice feeling. It would be great if meditation could make a difference to that aspect of them.

    Wishing you all the best for your next cycle, and for 2010.

  2. Zoloft made me feel very blah also. I never got happy or sad, just was was kinda...there. I found yoga to help me out a lot. Hopefully it will do the same for you.

    So sorry your Christmas was difficult. Luckily nobody sends us cards so I don't have to see it. Maybe you should become less popular? LoL. (sorry, lame attempt at humor)

    Big hugs sweety and everything crossed for this clomid cycle.