Wednesday, February 3, 2010


My husband shocked me a week or two ago, by telling me that he deeply desires to go back to college and do a phd or a psyD in clinical psychology. I am proud of his ambition and hate the fact that hes been unhappy at his job here in Portland, but this changes everything. We will have to sell our fancy little house. At a loss. We will have to pack up everything and pretty much wont know where we are going til the last second. I will have to work full time to support us during the 5 years that one of these programs will take, and we will come out of it at least 150 thousand dollars in debt.. just loans to cover tuition. No shit. I moved a lot when I was a kid, and even more as an adult. I just got comfortable in this house, and its physically unsettling to me to think about leaving. Ive made it very very plain to Brian, that this does not mean Im giving up on MY big dream, of having a family. I dont have any career ambitions to speak of or desire to fill any sort of artistic void. All I really care about is being a wife to Brian, and a mother to children. Best case situation, is that I manage to get pregnant in the next year or so and carry to term. Worst case is that I never do, and we cant afford to adopt 6 years from now, when saddled with those crushing student loans. Its all a hell of a lot to think about. The work it will take to put the house on the market. Saving money, no holidays, work work work. Blat.

My OB has given me 3 final rounds of Clomid, to reach my 12 cycle lifetime maximum. Shes also put in another referal to the RE. Brian has agreed to 3 cycles of Femara and IUI (plus low does injects?) with the RE, if needed. So Ive got 6 fair chances and becoming pregnant in the near future. OB has ordered a baseline ultrasound next cycle, and some mystery blood work that she wants.. have to ask her what thats all about. Im on a break from now until march, and it feels sort of good. Im burnt out on TTC in a way thats impossible to describe.

i know this post is all over the place and Ive a lot of housework to do so Im going to wrap it up.


  1. Hi Emily...I'm sorry about all this.... and I know how you are feeling about being burnt out on TTC. Hugs to you.

  2. Wow, Emily, that college announcement is kind of a big bombshell to drop. I mean, considering the enormous financial impact it will have for you guys. I don't know what to say. I hope you find a way to come to terms with it.

    Also hoping you have success on the clomid/femara adventure. I didn't know there were limits to how many attempts you could have. A friend of mine did 18 for her first child and another nine for her second!

    Look forward to hearing more from your corner. xx

  3. That's certainly a lot to think about! I would have mixed feelings also. Especially since you own a lovely house. We are just renting and the though of moving is difficult to swallow. So sorry you're faced with this decision.

  4. I just found your blog through a mutual blogger friend. I wanted to tell you that I got pregnant the second time (miscarried) with femara! So, I really love that drug:). I haven't gone back on it since the miscarriage, so who knows, maybe it will work twice:)? Anyway, hang in there. This is my blog in case you are interested:

    Take care!