We did our required psychiatric consultation on Monday. Out late the night before for my 35th Birthday, then a zoo field trip with the middle girl's preschool. Brian took the day off of work for all of that.. little one joined us at the zoo. Pretty beat by the time we got them back, and drove across town again for the psych. My brother babysat, which was very helpful. The consultation was grueling and sad and I hated it. I liked the doctor well enough, her questions were thorough and pointed, but she seemed to think it was some sort of profound revelation to note "this is all still so raw". No kidding? Ive been trying for a baby for about 5years. Ive lost many potential children. This is always going to be a little raw. I hate feeling like my grief and suffering are a character flaw. She said she would write us a favorable report.
I hired a sitter off of craigslist for my Tuesday morning ultrasound. She checked out well, shes a young mother who lives in the neighborhood and has a 3 year old. She is studying to be a midwife. Anyhow, its nice to know her and we think we can do some childcare trade. The sono was more painful than i thought it would be, whenever I have a catheter up in there I cramp. Maybe I will have to ask the RE for extra Valium for my transfer. felt better after she actually put the saline in, nice and cool. My uterus looks "perfect" and my lining was 8 on cd 10. I had a good looking follie on my right side (14). WTF? Ive been told I barely ovulate if at all, and while I suppose its possible that I gear up to do so and then everything just sort of craps out .I'm really interested to know what my progesterone would look like this cycle.. mid luteal phase. This was the first time I had a follicle check on a non medicated cycle, to be honest it looked as good or better than the one monitored Femara cycle I did. The best news was that my uterus looks so good. Couldn't be better, they said. I wonder how they judge these things. I had been so worried about scar tissue from my many d&cs. Still a couple of appointments to take care of but hopefully we will be on track to start BCP after my next period. The legal paper work is all taken care of, notarized and sent off.
A bit of drama going on with the girls, reunification to be in full swing in the next month or so. Meanwhile, their medical problems get worse. Middle girl in and out of hospital this past week, many sleepless nights for me. I worry that if she is returned to the low IQ, medically neglectful mother, that she will actually die. All I can do is tell her lawyer and say it in court if need be. Social workers are coddling and hand holding the mom.. this is the hardest part of foster parenting, I imagine. I give them a 90% chance of being back in care within a year of reunification.
