Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I met my certifier for a picinic lunch on Saturday. It was pleasant enough, I got to visit with a couple of other adoptive parents/people waiting to become adoptive parents. The certifier was dropping hints that our paper work is not all that close to done. That we won't be hearing from her again til she finishes her vacation in late October, which stinks a bit because she said we would be done by first week of October, at the start of September. Before that she had told me start of September at the latest. I know she only works part time. I know shes probably over worked, but I would just appreciate a realistic time frame so I can carry on with other parts of my life! I for SURE wouldn't have left my job in August, had I known. I am reminded of our time dealing with US immigration. Brian and I felt so uncomfortable with the fact that one or two government workers had such a huge say on how we lived, on what our future together would be like.

I have been learning more about the new policy regarding engaging family / extended family in care plans and permanancy plans. They are looking for any family, anywhere. Current caregivers are given no preference. IF parental rights are terminated, IF no capable family can be found, then its possible to adopt. These rules just changed as of July 1st. My stepmother and the social worker have told me this throws a pretty big wrench in trying to adopt a child under 5 from foster care. My gut feeling is that this is not going to be the way we will expand our family in the long term. After all this work and waiting. Im feeling quite tired again. We of course will still foster children, under the assumption that they will all be returned to parents or family, but I think its time to actually put a plan for the Embryo donation cycle in place.


  1. Aww, that time hold up sucks! so sorry! Yes, you are right about foster children (I am a social worker/therapist working in the CPS/ foster care system). However, at least where I am in Arizona, there are still many foster parents who get to adopt the younger children. The reality is that for many of the birth parents (NOT all by any means), their extended families are not great parent material either, so they don't get approved. And, in my work, I advocate STRONGLY for infants to stay in current placement if they have been there awhile and have shown strong attachment behavior. I won't go into detail, but we have Best for Babies court teams here and have educated the judges on attachment and how traumatic it is for babies to move once they are attached to foster parents. So, we've had some success in keeping babies in foster home. Anyway, at least where I am, it's not impossible to adopt a younger child out of foster care. Hold onto hope!

  2. thanks for your input, faith, I appreciate it very much! From the sound of it, Oregon used to have a policy more similar to your state. Im not sure that any of the DHS workers here in Oregon have a really great idea of what this new policy will actually mean for foster parents. I know they are no longer using the term foster to adopt. My caseworker (bless her) has told me that its her personal feeling that with birth family, the apple often does not fall far from the tree.

  3. Blah. Sorry about the constant setbacks. More waiting. I feel your frustration. I think it is a good idea to go ahead with the embryo donation project, because it will feel proactive (but will probably involve a bit more 'waiting' around as well!). Hang in there. xx