Sunday, May 1, 2011


the bleeding has almost totally let up. I get a little spot of brown every morning and maybe a microscopic bit when I wipe during the day. I wont be surprised if I get a final gush at some point so I have to wear a pad to brace myself for that event. My OB said I can get out of bed and resume normal activity, but to rest if the bleeding gets worse with activity. She wont let me see the perinatologist! well she said that they cant do anything for me right now, but I feel that I deserve to have this thing monitored. At least to see if the SCH is growing larger or shrinking. Tuesday is my 12 week OB appointment and the last one with this particular doctor. Im going to see a midwife in her practice starting at 16 weeks and she told me before any of this started, that she would refer me to a peri whenever I like. This lady had several miscarriages and is very understanding. My goal is to talk the OB into a proper ultrasound in the radiology department in the next week or so. This isnt the time for them to get cheap or treat me like I am being paranoid.

Im still feeling quite sick and instead of being a big drag, its actually pleasing to me. I know you can be sick and still miscarry but I think its less likely.

If there are fetal heart tones on Tuesday i am going public with this pregnancy. A facebook announcement seems a little vulgar but everyone who has to know already knows and I dont want any of them outing me before Im totally ready. Brian wanted to wait til 20 weeks. A part of me who wants to embrace this and enjoy it. Being a member of the infertility club makes you feel like a real misfit when youre pregnant. Im not a happy skippy pregnant lady planning my baby moon and buying stuff at babies r us. Not at all. I think that abject terror is one way to describe some of the last week of my life, but there is also some amount of joy.


  1. I know the feeling of not wanting to enjoy it for fear of losing it, but also wanting to be normal and be able to relax and enjoy it. I hated when people asked me about the pregnancy or commented on it because I felt like I didn't deserve it and I felt like I was now one of those women who always annoyed me talking about their pregnancy, lol!! I will say this, no matter what, when your baby is born, it doesn't matter. It is all behind you and it is just pure love. I didn't enjoy the first part of my pregnancy as much as my friends who are fertile did (no skipping, baby stuff buying, etc) BUT my daughter is just as beautiful and perfect as their babies (even more so I think:)). So, enjoy it or obsess, either way will be ok:). So glad the bleeding has slowed!

  2. Glad to hear the drama is subsiding, and you can hopefully relax a bit and let the enjoyment come through. x

  3. I feel the abject terror as well. You are not alone. The ones who tell me to relax and enjoy have no idea where I am coming from apparently.