Monday, May 9, 2011

second trimester

I am 13 weeks today. In my book this is the second trimester. I feel humbled, fearful, needy, anxious, exhausted, slack jawed with surprise (still) and slightly lucky. I have reason to believe that I still have a living fetus inside me. The still constant nausea tells me so. I was naughty and rented a medical grade Doppler, and Ive not been able to find a heartbeat. I am not worrying myself stupid though, I figure if the OB had a hard time finding it last week with her equipment and her expertise, its not shocking that I cant do it. I might send the thing back.

I'm unable to be too wrapped up in my pregnancy because I  have this full time 24 hour job taking care of three very demanding children. They don't demand much for themselves, but their needs demand constant action. I wake up and have to put my best food forward every single day, like it or not. I just fired one social worker who was from an outside agency trying to get even more services for the girls. She was pushy and condescending. DHS gave me their full blessing in telling her to buzz off. Their caseworker told me that saying no sometimes is a good way to take care of myself.  We are very much looking forward to summer. This spring has been wintry and dreary. Maybe 2 days of weather over 60 F. Ive got delightful summer clothes boxed up for the ladies. Been shopping around for swing sets,, maybe a kiddie pool and a sand pit. Our neighborhood is full of young families, so there is always something going on at the park on a summer afternoon. My goal is to decrease all services to the bare minimum and just have fun.


  1. Congrats on such a BIG milestone:)!!! I would keep the doppler for a little while longer - it will get easier to find the hb. I used mine throughout the entire pregnancy, even when I felt her move, if she had a slow day, I'd use the doppler to reassure myself.

    I think the plan you have for the girls is great - let them have the services they absolutely need, and then just have fun the rest of the time:).

  2. I admire your ability to focus on the needs of those little girls and put your pg on the back burner. I wish I had a huge demanding distraction like that. I think entering the 2nd trimester is a huge deal, hopefully it's smooth sailing from here.

  3. Faith, a couple of hours after I posted this I found the heartbeat. 154, clear as day. I dont expect to be able to find it on a regular basis quite yet though, and I dont want to fry my poor baby's brain so Im going to try it only once a week. the girls are already getting speech therapy, counseling, theraputic visits with their father, twice a week visits with their mom, various pediatric specialists for health problems, head start is big on developmental testing, and frequent visits to our home.. it seems like enough:)