Saturday, January 19, 2013

I could use a live baby check right about now. The midwife has told me that I may go in any Thursday and she can give me a quick scan but I was busy yesterday. I feel such a disconnect from this pregnancy. Not nearly as emotionally attached to it as others. Like I don't really believe that there is a little life in there. It's funny because I thought I would be more attached to a pregnancy after having Titus. Because I know that I can grow a fetus in there that lives and turns into a person. I saw him just about every week between 7 and 15 weeks.  This one I have only seen once. Even though all the bleeding with T was scary, it somehow made it all seem more real.  This is as normal as it has ever been for me and it feels abnormal!

9.5 weeks and I THINK all is well. My breasts have ballooned to pornographic proportions. Well, with the 36 year old sag its more like national geographic. I barfed x 3 on Wednesday. All the usual first trimester complaints, which I am thankful for. I know the nausea will get worse before it gets better and that can be frightening. Constant nausea can send you into a pretty dark head space. Luckily the sun is shining and that is very helpful to me. It's cold but I know that spring is around the corner and so is a return of regular energy levels and wellness.

NH asked about our Christmas. It was a lovely one. A normal, regular, dreams come true sort of Christmas. There was the awkwardness of dealing with our foster Son's birth family and his emotions around the holiday, but it was manageable.  And there were mounds of gifts and a sweet smelling douglas fir tree. Family came 'round. Brian made a boozy figgy pudding and I was still well enough to eat it.  My youngest brother, the one that nearly tore his arm off falling out of a freight train in the fall of 2011, has had a strange and sort of wonderful change of circumstances. He met a girl. They got married in a hobo wedding under the Broadway bridge here in Portland. She got a job and he got financial aid and started school. His wife is only 22 and has a 6 year old son. Her parents had been raising him from the start but her father fell off a cliff while hiking last summer. He died. Her Mother is now a widow at age 46.  My brother and his wife are now taking part in raising that child. They are all sharing a house and making it work. All that to say, that part of my Christmas involved getting new family members. My new SIL , her son who calls me Auntie Emily, and my brother's MIL who is closer to my age and a lot of fun.

Titus has just started walking. He is 14 months old. Did I mention that I am taking him to see the pediatric endocrinologist next month? He is still so small and they just want to be sure that he is doing OK. He is currently 28 inches and 18 lbs. That visit happens just 2 days before his surgery to re repair his penis. Other than all of that he is a healthy guy. He likes to climb and push things around the room.  He likes to ride a knee horsey. Still adding words. 

1 comment:

  1. Hey, it's Thursday (here). Just wondering if you are going in for a reassurance scan today? xx