4 days past IUI

Brian and I went in early Saturday morning for sperm wash/ IUI. Brian had to provide his sample at the clinic, but he was a good sport about it. He said there was porn playing on a flat screen tv in the collection room, and it was all women on women anal action ! I wonder, who picks this stuff? Brian reckoned that they just wanted to exclude anything having to do with another man. We had a pleasant breakfast while waiting for the sperm to be prepped. Our fertility clinic is located in a swanky part of town and we were there early, beating the weekend rush. Come IUI time, the doctor on shift informed us that Bri only had ten million motile sperm. From what I understand, this is not a great number. We went ahead with the insemination and that was that.

I have the next two days off, and lots to do in order to get ready for mexico. Canceling the Organics to you produce delivery, ironing and packing, putting together a first aid kit, filling prescriptions. If I get my period while in mexico, Im going right into a clomid cycle with the OB, as I wont be home in time for a monitored cycle with the RE. Speaking of packing, Brian went out on his lunch yesterday and got himself some spiffy new summer clothes. He wanted to know if they look too girly or yuppie. I told him that he lives in a city and there is no shame in wearing nice clothes that dont stink of grunge era 1992. So Brian is going to be all sauve and meterosexual on vacation and I think its cute and funny. Speaking of my produce box, its getting to be that time of year when the good stuff starts rolling in. Since its mostly local and organic we spend the winter eating a lot of kale, sweet potatoes, onions, and other root veg. Now its lovely lettuce, salad greens, asparagas, and herbs. Soon there will be strawberries. It sounds silly, but the feeling of abundance that I get from opening the box each week, does wonders for my mental health. I feel lucky to live in a place where there is so much fresh, fabulous food. And that I have a nice house to live in, and a mostly good quality of life.

Thanks to all of you that are commenting and rooting for me. It means a lot.

Triggered

I had a follicle scan on the 20th (cycle day 11). Nothing doing on the left side, but lots of follicles on the right. Most of them too small, between 9mm and 12mm, but there was one fat follie @ 16 mm which was right about where I should have been. I was hoping for more targets, but from what my infertile friends have been telling me, one mature is pretty normal for a femara cycle. I triggered last night. This was the first time ever injecting myself with anything and its pretty intimidating. I got over it and it was easy and painless. I peed on a cheap internet HPT this morning just because its fun to watch things turn colors. I suppose I will test out the trigger. Brian and I go in tomorrow morning for collection and insemination. He will do his "sample" at the clinic, as we live too far away to get it there unscathed.

Dr. B is putting me on a double dose of the luteal phase progesterone support. These are the vag suppositories and not my favorite. I will be in mexico come test time, but Ive found an English speaking OB to order a beta for me. I would rather not stress with betas, but the RE wants them. If I dont have my period by 13 dpo I guess Ill get the blood work done. I always come to a point during a treatment cycle where I am no longer able to think clearly. I know the stats even after factoring in my personal history of getting pregnant fairly easily with ovulation stimulation. The chance of pregnancy is probably around 15%, yet I cant help but think THIS HAS TO WORK. After trying so long and being on the wrong end of the statistics so many times, something has to give. After spending so much money (this little IUI cycle is costing me nearly 1000 dollars) and you know,, just being a good girl. Because good people eventually have a happy ending, right ? So no matter what one little devil on one shoulder whispers about being realistic, the other one is saying "nonesense, everything will be FINE". The only thing that brings me back down to earth is the start of the bleeding, either my regular period or the miscarriage.

Im not really sure where Im going with this. I suppose I just feel silly for giving into magical thinking, but I seriously cant help it.

foot in mouth

There I was, pretty much boasting my ability to handle the side effects of oral fertilty meds,like some sort of infertile gladiator and all the while FEMARA has been kicking my butt. I feel psychotic and uneasy and just plain physically awful. Much like the way many people react to clomid.

I was just wondering who is going to want to check in on me, or read my blog if Im such a hopeless wet blanket, nearly every post. The truth is that I waffle. Hope comes and goes. When Im down, I wanna vent and when Im up, I dont want to say anything and jinx myself.

I am looking forward to proceeding with this cycle. My expectations of being pregnant are pretty low, but I do feel like Im getting on with things. I had a pretty long ttc break. 20 days til Im on the beach in mexico, and thats what Im REALLY looking forward to

Real Quick

before I dash off to work and totally forget to update. I decided to go ahead with femara/IUI cycle. baseline ultrasound yesterday, and first letrezole tablet. never had an antral follicle count before, so that was interesting. doc put me on the lowest possible dose of femara, and I sort of wonder what he was thinking. its not like I have unexplained infertility or something, I have a diagnosed ovulation problem that my OB liked to whollop with 100 mg of clomid every month. I barely responded to that. I guess he is the RE trained at john hopkins and I am not. next ultrasound is on the 20th. Im presently on cd 4. I mentioned elswehere but will say it again, Im not pleased or releived to be taking a different oral ovulation stimulation drug. I dont give a shit about side effects. I would rather be doing IVF or domestic adoption or something more effective. this feels like more of the same crap Ive been doing for the past two years. and I couldnt care less if I sprouted hair from my chest or started bleeding out of my hands and feet, as long as I ovulate properly.