Friday, April 23, 2010


I had a follicle scan on the 20th (cycle day 11). Nothing doing on the left side, but lots of follicles on the right. Most of them too small, between 9mm and 12mm, but there was one fat follie @ 16 mm which was right about where I should have been. I was hoping for more targets, but from what my infertile friends have been telling me, one mature is pretty normal for a femara cycle. I triggered last night. This was the first time ever injecting myself with anything and its pretty intimidating. I got over it and it was easy and painless. I peed on a cheap internet HPT this morning just because its fun to watch things turn colors. I suppose I will test out the trigger. Brian and I go in tomorrow morning for collection and insemination. He will do his "sample" at the clinic, as we live too far away to get it there unscathed.

Dr. B is putting me on a double dose of the luteal phase progesterone support. These are the vag suppositories and not my favorite. I will be in mexico come test time, but Ive found an English speaking OB to order a beta for me. I would rather not stress with betas, but the RE wants them. If I dont have my period by 13 dpo I guess Ill get the blood work done. I always come to a point during a treatment cycle where I am no longer able to think clearly. I know the stats even after factoring in my personal history of getting pregnant fairly easily with ovulation stimulation. The chance of pregnancy is probably around 15%, yet I cant help but think THIS HAS TO WORK. After trying so long and being on the wrong end of the statistics so many times, something has to give. After spending so much money (this little IUI cycle is costing me nearly 1000 dollars) and you know,, just being a good girl. Because good people eventually have a happy ending, right ? So no matter what one little devil on one shoulder whispers about being realistic, the other one is saying "nonesense, everything will be FINE". The only thing that brings me back down to earth is the start of the bleeding, either my regular period or the miscarriage.

Im not really sure where Im going with this. I suppose I just feel silly for giving into magical thinking, but I seriously cant help it.


  1. fingers (and everything else) crossed for you.

  2. It is NOT magical thinking, it is HOPE - and you need to keep it! Your BFP WILL come...and so will your healthy, full term baby. You just have to keep your hope. I know it's hard when you have had so many let downs, I do, but at some point, you just have to throw your hands up and say, "No matter what happened in the past, good things are coming!" Hang in there and GOOD LUCK this cycle, sounds like a great one!

  3. You're in my prayers Emily, as you often are. I check out your blog often for updates and I'm so happy and excited to read your news this morning. I'm glad you haven't given up the fight.

    After 4 losses of my own I know how hard it is to keep hope alive – to just keep on going sometimes. In the end, somehow I was one of the lucky ones. I am grateful every day for my miracle babies. I have not forgotten.

    Magical thinking helped keep me going when hope failed so I wouldn't discount it. I'm not Catholic, but I bought and wore a St. Anne's pendant when we were trying with our last pregnancy. It's like a talisman of sorts and even now I can't bring myself to take it off so I still wear it. Talk about magical thinking! – but it was something tangible to clutch at during every agonizing appointment when I kept expecting bad news.

    And that's it too. When all you know is bad news, you expect bad news. Do what you need to do to be as brave as you can be. Believe there is a baby in your future that is depending on you already. Keep going. Trust.

    – gingercat